2. If the teacher hands out something at the beginning on the lesson,
say "(insert teacher name here), I have been keeping a secret from
you for many years... I can no longer live a lie. I am secretly Polish."
in a deep Polish accent akin to David's father off of Shine (go to
The Adam and Joe Show website and watch shiney). Then,
whenever you get asked a question, say, in the same voice, "I don't
know. I have no knowledge of this."
Note: This is likely to get you expelled

3. Draw a picture of two animals having sex, preferably genetically
spliced ones. Photocopy it and hang it around school.

4. Hang up a sign: "LOST: have you seen my Dad? He could be in
your shed or garage." Offer a reward.

5. Reformat the hard drives on your school computer
Note: You reall will get expelled for this one.

6. When teachers write notes in your book about incomplete
homework, write insulting notes back underneath, perhaps
making fun of their name, and hope they don't find them next time
they mark it.

7. Purposefull spell names wrong on the front of books. Alternatively,
put down the teacher's first name or (even better) make one up.
"Desmond" or "Dick" will do. Just out of interest, my maths teacher's
name really is Dick.

8. Continuously ask for more paper in exams to put other people
off / make them nervous.

9. Keep something borken (a compass is good) in your pencil case.
When people ask to borrow it, it will fall apart when they use it. Go
absolutely off your head when the tell you and demand they buy you
a new one. Sell it on in the school caf.

10. If someone you don't like asks to borrow something, tell them you
don't have one. As soon as they leave your desk, get one out and use
it really obviously, perhaps even licking it in a bizarre seductive
manner. Look at them and smile wickidly/sexily. Can you manage
that? Do you see?

If you would like to leave, press 0